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Justin Bieber's Hot New Startup: A Selfie-Only App Made By a Brony
I've got some bad news: you just died and now you're in hell. The first thing you'll encounter in hell is this TechCrunch post, which is 1,200 words long, and about "Shots For Me," a Bieber-backed...
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WSJ: Snapchat Turned Down $3 Billion (!!!) from Facebook
A Wall Street Journal report says Snapchat's insane $4 billion valuation is already going to its head: the disappearing pic startup rejected a $3 billion buyout offer from Zuckerberg. Three billion in...
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Yahoo! Is Throwing a 90s Garage Sale
At this point, the Yahoo's financials are still propped up by a shrewd Chinese investment and the traffic of uncles who can't change their bookmarks. So until the company reinvents itself as an...
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Sheryl Sandberg Gets Jennifer Lawrence to Sit Near "Lean In" Poster
J-Law posted this photo of a mutually promotional visit to Facebook HQ: "Thanks to Sheryl Sandberg and the Facebook team for hosting everyone for a fan Q&A to end the...
View ArticleDefamer Spike Lee Is Being Sued by the Couple Whose Address He Tweeted |...
Defamer Spike Lee Is Being Sued by the Couple Whose Address He Tweeted | Paleofuture 41 Century-Old Predictions for Our 21st Century Socialist Utopia | Regressing Why Buying "Stock" In A Football...
View ArticleFab Firing 50 More People This Week
According to an AllThingsD report and a Valleywag source close to the company, Fab.com is planning another sweeping round of layoffs, to be announced Friday. This time, the little people are getting...
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British Vogue Feature on "Silicon Wives and Girlfriends" Is Bollocks
It appears as though our imperialist friends across the Atlantic have elevated the feature-length glossy troll to an art form. There is no other way to explain why the December issue of British Vogue...
View ArticleSilicon Valley's version of transubstantiation: "Just about any company that...
Silicon Valley's version of transubstantiation: "Just about any company that hits the scale Snapchat is hitting can generate revenue eventually. One of the company's investors told us that any big web...
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Leaked Memo: Fab's Struggling CEO Names New Top Execs
With another round of layoffs coming, a co-founder departure, and top management hemorrhaging, haute-shopping startup Fab.com needs a corporate Hail Mary. Here's CEO Jason Goldberg's plan to remake the...
View ArticleGoogle has officially perfected the shameless tearjerker advertisement.
Google has officially perfected the shameless tearjerker advertisement. Corporate propaganda at its absolute loveliest.Read more...
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Snapchat Implicated In Canadian Child Porn Scandal
Police in Laval, a large suburb just north of Montreal, arrested ten teenage boys this morning. Each were suspected of producing and distributing child pornography. Many of their alleged victims used...
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A List of People Praising Snapchat for Turning Down $3 Billion
As the internet shit its collective denim pants yesterday upon news of Snapchat's Facebook refusal, there were some outliers—very prominent outliers. You might think two 23-year-olds refusing three...
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Rumor: Snapchat Also Turned Down Billions Upon Billions from Google
It looks like gossip is traveling at Hyperloop speed over Snapchat's hubris in turning down $3 billion in cash from Facebook. Om Malik just tweeted the latest: After Facebook, "Google offered $4B but...
View ArticleFab Canned 81 Employees Today
As expected, only more: Fab.com has confirmed it just gave 81 employees (73 full-time, and eight temps) at the shopping site their three-month notice.Read more...
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Empowering Kickstarter Will Make a Calendar of Beautiful Gaming Babes
Sometimes when girls be gaming, they like to bite their bottom lip as they lean suggestively upon an electronic device. Other times, female gamers coyly bite down on a power cord while their cleavage...
View ArticleBefore its impending IPO, King claims that Candy Crush has been installed...
Before its impending IPO, King claims that Candy Crush has been installed half a billion times and that more than 150 billion individual games have been played. Here, lie down on the couch and let a...
View ArticleHot New Startup No One Needs: A Credit Card for Your Credit Cards
One downside of Silicon Valley's ultra-insular groupthink fiesta is that it produces things like "Coin." Coin is a company that sells a product that will solve a fake problem, and soothe a tiny cohort...
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Startup Nerds Hope This DJ Nerd Will Make Them Look Cool
Tech has made it effortless to order takeout or get a limo, but social climbing is the same as it ever was: if you give a bunch of historically unglamorous, uncool startup people a bunch of money,...
View ArticlePhase II of Silicon Valley's Secession Plan: Suck Up All the Bitcoin
Once you've exposed your secret hope that Silicon Valley will secede from the U.S. and "opt-in" to a society "run by technology," there's only one place left to go: Bitcoin Country!Read more...
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Mark Zuckerberg's Newest Immigration Advocate: "Chief Running Site"
Mark Zuckerberg's pet lobbying group has a new CTO, Darius Contractor. Like any friend of Zuck's, Darius has an extensive back catalog of Facebook tags, including one in which he's dressed as an...
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